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Posts tagged "men"

tarawrr:

goals

(via oliviasatelier)

To suggest that one’s belly, body hair or tattoo is ‘distasteful’ and should therefore be covered in the name of etiquette is the very worst sort of body fascism. If your children are traumatised by the sight of a fat person in a bikini, a bit of cellulite or a caesarean scar, then may I tentatively suggest that you aren’t raising them correctly. If seeing someone hairy wearing something skimpy renders you ‘unable to eat your lunch’ then I’m afraid my diagnosis is the problem is with your brain, not their body.

bornofanatombomb:

I’m not sure everyone fully understands con harassment.

There’s been a lot of talk about recently, a great deal of online sharing of experiences from the women who have been on the receiving end of unwanted groping—or worse—in what is supposed to be a safe place for geeks of stripes. Which has been wonderful, for reasons I’ll get into. But I’m seeing so many of the same responses to these discussions that I’m not sure everyone understands what con harassment really is.

And by “everyone” I’m really talking about dudes. Women seem to understand this just fine. So, let’s sit down, guys, and talk this out. Bro to bro.

To start with, con harassment is rarely done by socially awkward men. I see this confusion over and over. Socially awkward men may have uncomfortable conversations. They may spend too much time staring at woman’s cleavage. They may not take a hint that a conversation is done. But if you’ve ever spent some time around socially awkward men (and you probably have, it’s a big world) you may have noticed that they don’t touch people. Touching adds an extra layer of complication to social interaction, one that can easily be avoided by not touching. So they don’t.

Because—and let’s be clear on this guys—while awkward conversations and horrible sexist speech are problems, the big concern in con harassment is physical violation. Groping, inappropriate touching and other, worse forms of invasion of a woman’s personal space. This is rarely done by socially awkward men.

The kind of guys who grope women at cons are socially aware. They can recognize social signals of when a women is with a man who cares about her, or when she is functionally “alone.” They know when the social contract of silence can be enforced, when the atmosphere of drunkenness will provide them with an excuse, when they can have an easy getaway. These are not socially awkward men. Often they are talkers, practiced in using social rules to get what they want. Because they think they can get away with it.

Which brings me to my next point, bros. It doesn’t help when you say you would punish someone if and when you saw con harassment. First off, you’re not going to see it. The socially aware groper can read your good intentions toward the women around you, and will bide his time until you are not around. Secondly, the damage has been done. A woman has been made to feel unsafe in what should be a safe space. Physically harming the groper is not going to make her feel safe again. If anything, it creates a larger culture of violence.

Think of it like arson. Sure, you can catch the guy who burned a woman’s house down and break his legs, but she’s still without a house. The damage has been done.

This is not to say con harassers should not be punished. They certainly should not be allowed to return to the convention. They should be appropriately shunned by their community. But threatening them with bodily harm doesn’t solve anything.

Which brings me to my last point. While I do not doubt that some of them men who I have heard say they would act would, in fact punch a groper in the face, I know that most of you guys would not do anything.

This has nothing to do with your masculinity, or your ability to dish out bone-crunching violence. It has nothing to do with you being men. It has to do with being a human being. We’re social animals. Which means that once the party has started, no one wants it to stop. Most people are more than willing to excuse harassment, if it means an awkward moment has passed.

My wife and I were at a Christmas party a few years back, and while she was bent over to grab a drink, another party-goer slapped her butt so hard it was heard throughout the party. She was in tears. I was livid. I never been so close to hurting some one than I was at that moment. The guy tried to play it off, that he was drunk, that was just something they did at this party. He was backed up on this by many party goers, who just wanted the party to get back to what it was. Included in this was the guy’s girlfriend, who told me she routinely receives worse slaps from the guy, and it was all in good fun.

Think about that for a moment. A woman wanted to sweep this event under the rug so bad that she said she was routinely beaten by her boyfriend, and it was no big deal. I don’t think she knew what she was saying. She only wanted the moment to pass, and for me not cave her boyfriend’s face in.

We ended up leaving the party without me fighting anyone, and cutting those people out of our lives. But I think about that party every time someone claims that if they saw what happened, they would act against the abuser. At the party, no one joined me arguing against this guy, no one but me was ready to hit him. And this was an undisputed act of violence against my wife. No one claimed it didn’t happen. Several people saw it, even more heard it. But no one wanted the party to stop.

Any sort of recompense after the fact is going to be met with resistance. Gropers are usually people who are charming otherwise, and used to getting away with things. There will be people who come to their defense, because they don’t fit the image of a sexual predator. They’re a nice guy. They were just drunk. It’s not going to happen again. That’s him being him. Hurting someone in the midst of this is not going to change peoples’ minds about the guy.

Gropers know this. They are counting on it.

Dudes, I understand, you want to do something. It’s bad enough that men who sexually assault women at cons don’t have signifiers like awkwardness, and now I’m saying that your need for vengeance is impotent, or, at best, counterproductive. What are we guys supposed to do?

The best thing we can do, bros, is talk about this. We will raise our voices in support of the women who are telling their assault stories, and make their voices louder with our chorus. We will say that we know this happens, and we know that the men who do it are scuzzballs. We will not threaten them with violence should they get caught, because we know that violence does a safe space make. We will say that the men who do this sort of behavior do not deserve our respect, and will we remember that we have said that when a groper is revealed to be a friend.

Con harassment succeeds because of a culture of silence, of a willingness to ignore this behavior out of shock, out of denial, out of a need to not to be a buzzkill. We can break this silence, guys. If enough people talk about this problem, understand it, and loudly voice their disapproval, then gropers will no longer see conventions as spaces they can assault women and get away with it.

Because the only remedy for con harassment is to make sure that it doesn’t happen in the first place.

(via oliviasatelier)

killjoyvamp-trekkervendetta:

nanibgal:

howardhill101:

amymexy:

mr-egbutt:

ascenti:

totallyfubar:

paragonpostcards:

helioscentrifuge:

Sorry not sorry.

The men of tumblr unite. Because this is more than fighting the patriarchy, this is fighting for the voice of the people.

image

*Phone rings*

image

THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THE PATRIARCHY WAS UP TO?

image

I’M ON MY WAY.

*Banana Rings*

Who is this how did you get this numb—THE PATRIARCHY IS DOING WHTA

SAVE SOME PATRIARCH BLOOD FOR US

3:01PM SYDNEY TIME

Hello?

Patriarchy WHAT?!

AW HELL NO

I’M COMIN YOU MOTHERFUCKERS I DON’T EVEN CARE IF THEY DON’T LET ME ON A PLANE

Meanwhile In England……


"Jolly great bit of Tea"

-Phone Rings- 

"THE PATRIARCHY DOING WHAT!?!!?!?!"

"Those Bloody Wankers!!!!!!"

"It Looks Like Tea Time Is Going To Have To Wait"

"It’s A Jolly Good Thing I kept My Old Equipment…."

"All Right Old Chaps, Im On My Way!!!"

"TALLY-HO!!!!!"

I just reblogged this, but IT GOT BETTER.

I laughed so hard I drooled a little.

(via goddamn-batgirl)

I was standing on the corner at Starbucks, sipping a frappucino and waiting for a light. I was wearing a mini leopard-print dress, mint green cropped tights and wedge heels.

A silver SUV pulled out to turn right in front of me and as it turned, a big guy leaned way out the passenger window to look at me and said, smiling -

"Nice outfit!"

#thatshowitsdone

aparadoxinflux:

littlespacecase:

  • Societal expectations of masculinity
  • Societal expectations to provide for women
  • No long term reversible male birth control
  • Men who are raped are more likely to remain silent and be dismissed or outright laughed at 
  • Unfair treatment in child custody battles
  • No support for male victims of domestic abuse
  • Media portrayal of married men as weak morons

Not men’s issues

  • The friend zone
  • Women not dating you

Also important to note that all the men’s issues above are a direct result of the patriarchy and systemic misogyny and sexism. These problems, these issues faced by men, are inherently tied into feminism.

Feminism aims to, and will, fix men’s issues as well, because they are derived from the same things that oppress and objectify women. Any man who doesn’t call themselves a feminist has seriously the wrong idea about how to fix these problems, and “Men’s Rights Advocates” certainly aren’t fighting the same fight. 

(via tallestsilver)

themarysue:

kvothetheraving:

if i can just

image

here have that reaction image on me

All hail Lucille Ball.

(via sparrowsound)

gerardandlindseyway:

bemusedlybespectacled:

ramoorebooks:

opinionatedlez:

Here are some awesome and empowering quotes from several very strong female celebrities. 

And Kristen Stewart.

No, you know what? Fuck you.

Let me tell you about Kristen Stewart.

Let’s talk about how she’s the centerpiece of one of the most inexplicably popular misogynistic pieces of film shit and somehow gets blamed for it sucking, despite the fact that, hey, the books were actually worse. For those who were lucky enough to escape reading the actual books, her apparent lack of emotion is 100% accurate to Bella’s character, because Bella is in fact not a character but a blank white wall for fourteen-year-old girls to project themselves onto. Robert Pattinson is not the only one in the cast who hates Twilight, thank you.

Let’s talk about how she got crucified in the media for having an affair with a married man, when that man was her director. And let’s remember that she was called all manner of things for “ruining her relationship with RPattz” when she wasn’t even engaged to the dude, let alone married with kids. But oh no, she gets called a slut because she’s Kristen Stewart, she gets her career fucked because she’s Kristen Stewart, and the dude gets off scott free.

Let’s talk about how she is incredibly shy and anxious (rather, incidentally, like Chris Evans) but does film anyway, because she’s just that awesome.

Fuck your noise. She’s not the best actor in the world but she sure as hell doesn’t deserve that kind of shit.

^thank you

This.

(via goddamn-batgirl)

rosalarian:

Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy, in case you hadn’t heard. How dare she remove those ticking time bombs from her chest, amiright? Like, hasn’t she learned by now that her body is public domain and we all get to vote on what she does with it? Sheesh, how selfish can ya get.

Ohohohohohoho

(via oliviasatelier)

Here’s the thing. Men in our culture have been socialized to believe that their opinions on women’s appearance matter a lot. Not all men buy into this, of course, but many do. Some seem incapable of entertaining the notion that not everything women do with their appearance is for men to look at. This is why men’s response to women discussing stifling beauty norms is so often something like “But I actually like small boobs!” and “But I actually like my women on the heavier side, if you know what I mean!” They don’t realize that their individual opinion on women’s appearance doesn’t matter in this context, and that while it might be reassuring for some women to know that there are indeed men who find them fuckable, that’s not the point of the discussion.

Women, too, have been socialized to believe that the ultimate arbiters of their appearance are men, that anything they do with their appearance is or should be “for men.” That’s why women’s magazines trip over themselves to offer up advice on “what he wants to see you wearing” and “what men think of these current fashion trends” and “wow him with these new hairstyles.” While women can and do judge each other’s appearance harshly, many of us grew up being told by mothers, sisters, and female strangers that we’ll never “get a man” or “keep a man” unless we do X or lose some fat from Y, unless we moisturize//trim/shave/push up/hide/show/”flatter”/paint/dye/exfoliate/pierce/surgically alter this or that.

That’s also why when a woman wears revealing clothes, it’s okay, in our society, to assume that she’s “looking for attention” or that she’s a slut and wants to sleep with a bunch of guys. Because why else would a woman wear revealing clothes if not for the benefit of men and to communicate her sexual availability to them, right? It can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that it’s hot out or it’s more comfortable or she likes how she looks in it or everything else is in the laundry or she wants to get a tan or maybe she likes women and wants attention from them, not from men?

The result of all this is that many men, even kind and well-meaning men, believe, however subconsciously, that women’s bodies are for them. They are for them to look at, for them to pass judgment on, for them to bless with a compliment if they deign to do so. They are not for women to enjoy, take pride in, love, accept, explore, show off, or hide as they please. They are for men and their pleasure.